Frankie watched a chipmunk scream into the deep night and decided it was what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. If she couldn’t find a place to scream into the cavern of night, she knew she would never rest, so she found a cave in the far eastern corner of Job’s property. She lives there now, screams all night. Don’t tell Job he will call the cops.

Product Information: Behold yon splendid trinket of autumnal cheer—a flat wooden pumpkin ornament, rendered with the artistry of acrylic paint and the finesse of colored pencil. This humble bauble, shaped like the jolly gourd of harvest season, doth boast vibrant hues of orange and verdant green, as if kissed by the fairies themselves. The charming visage of the pumpkin is brought to life with whimsical swirls and delicate strokes, reminiscent of the handcraft of skilled scribes of yore. Perfect for adorning thine hearth or hanging with merry pride upon thy festooned chamber wall!

• PLEASE DON'T PUT THIS OUTSIDE IT WILL GET GROSS